Free from Fear

For as long as I can remember, I have been a fearful person.  It seems to be my default.  I can remember as a little girl being afraid of all the bugs outside, afraid of learning to ride a bike, afraid of climbing the monkey bars and afraid of doing the wrong thing that would get me in big trouble with my parents.  I was also afraid of being left alone.  I remember needing to ride the bus home one day (By the way, I was also afraid of riding the bus).  It was my turn to exit and when I did, I didn’t see my mom’s car at the house.  Immediately I began to cry.  “I’m all by myself” I thought.  As I got to the door, afraid I would not be able to get in, there was mom!!!!  She quickly noticed that I had been crying and asked what was wrong.  I told her that I was crying because some glitter had fallen off the craft I had made at school.  Now, I was upset about the glitter, but I was more embarrassed to tell her that I was afraid of being alone.  She was gracious to me and gave me lots of hugs and didn’t make it known to me that she knew the reason I was upset.

I wish I could tell you that I’ve outgrown my fears, but that would be a lie.  I still deal with a fearful nature and at times it gets the best of me.  My husband recently delivered a sermon at church called “Choosing Faith over Fear.”  It was a sermon that made me squirm because I live there daily.  Fear is a natural response to adversity, danger or the unknown.  Faith is a choice that each of us makes to believe God’s word and be obedient to Him.

This lesson is one that God has been helping me to think through lately.  I have stepped into a position at church that has caused a twinge of fear.  I love to speak to groups of people.  I enjoy standing before a large crowd and speaking to them or singing to them.  It’s something that I have a passion for and I love to do.  On the other hand, the smaller the group the more uncomfortable I become.  To add to this situation, I am having to study to prepare a small lesson every week.  I have led a small groups in the past but always with a prepared study and where I basically push play on the remote and guide the class in discussion.  But this is very different.  I have nothing but a blank page and a Bible.  If that doesn’t make you afraid, I don’t know what will!  I have had to learn to choose faith and not give in to fear.

There are also new fears that seem to be working their way into my thoughts.  Fears of how to pay for college for our firstborn.  Fears of how to make ends meet as we need to add another car to the fleet.  Fears of failing to figure out where God wants to use me during this season of my life.  You know, normal, universal fear.  But as I have all these fears and more, I also have a peace that God will provide all that I need and much, much more.  He has used the Bible study that I was afraid to teach to build up my faith and strengthen my relationship with Him.  So, for this day and at this time – I am not afraid.  I am totally turning things over to the only person that has control over any of the situations I face.

How about you?  Are you fearful?  Are you facing a situation that seems totally hopeless?  Have you tried to worry your way through all the scenarios that might fix the problem and yet, you have found no answers?  Well, I invite you to do what I have done – read God’s Word and put your faith in His ability and not your own.  I double dog dare ya!

“There is no fear in love; instead, perfect love drives out fear…” -1 John 4:18a 

Am I a Temple Builder?

I will have to be honest with you, teaching the Old Testament is not an easy task!  It can become quite difficult to apply verses like, “…don’t boil the baby goat in its mother’s milk.”  What?!?  Thankfully, there are many helps and guides along to the way to bail poor Bible study teachers like me out of that theological quandry.  Recently, it has been much easier now that my class has moved passed the law and the endless begatting that went on there for a while.

We have been studying the life of King David and are moving into the reign of  his son, Solomon.  This week, I read a passage that I’ve never put much thought into before (this is not unusual), but it literally jumped off the page.  It is found in 1 Chronicles 28 and is the charge that David gives Solomon to build the Temple.

David’s heart was after God and desired to build a permanent house in which God would abide.  David didn’t understand why he himself should have such a fine palace while his God dwelt in a tent.  After converstations with God, David understood that he would not be granted the honor of building the Temple because he was a king of war.  God did reveal to David that his son, Solomon, would inherit the throne and build a dwelling place for the Almighty.

I admire the heart of David.  He accepted the decision that God made even though he desperately desired to be the chosen builder.  I also admire the fact that David did all he could to insure that Solomon would not fail in the task of Temple building.  For the rest of David’s life, he gathered supplies, counseled with officials, craftsman, artists and priests so that Solomon would have all that he would need to complete the building campaign.

This story reminded me that God has taken over the building process.  I know what you are thinking, “Wait, Solomon did  build the temple!”  You are right, but when Christ came and died on the Cross, the work began on a New Temple!  A temple not made by human hands and one that will NEVER be destroyed!  “Where is this temple, you say?”  Well, if you are a person that has accepted the gift of forgiveness and grace that is offered to you through Christ Jesus, just look in the mirror and you will see the most magnificent temple ever built!!!  You see, we are now the temple of God.  His Spirit dwells within each soul that has received the salvation that comes through faith is in Son, Jesus.

Realizing this, the story of David stirred my thoughts on the temple being constructed within me.  Do I desire to let God build what He desires to build or do I keep trying to persuade Him to build what I want?  Do I desire to bring glory to God more than glory to this temple?  Do I desire to live life by God’s blueprints rather than my measly, thrown together pencil drawing that I think is so important? Am I one that tears down the temple brick by brick while God is laying the foundation?  These are good questions and ones that I don’t always have good answers for.  But I desire to allow God to complete the work in me that HE has started and that He alone can complete.

David told Solomon that God would never leave or forsake him and that God would complete the work of building the Temple through him.  God held to that promise and makes the same one to each of us.  So on this day I declare:  “I am not a Temple Builder – God is!  I am the Temple…a work in progress!”

What a Great Valentine’s Day

Over dinner he begins,

And I watch his eyes dance,

As I listen to him speak of how he fell in love with me.

 

Looking at their faces,

Noticing their expressions,

As they listen to him speak of how he fell in love with me.

 

The giggles and the laughs,

The oohs and the wows,

As we listen to him speak of how he fell in love with me.

 

Realizing what  love is mine,

And falling in love with him again,

As I listen to him speak of how he fell in love with me.

 

 

Happy 2012!!! …

Happy 2012!!!  I can’t believe that a new year has begun.  2011 seemed like a blur and I worry that the same will be true for this new born year.

I’ve been thinking about my goals and what God is wanting to accomplish through me in 2012.  I’m not a goal maker by nature, but I’m learning that if I aim for nothing, I’ll hit that mark every time.  So, purpose is good but searching for God’s purpose is greater!

A few things that I know so far:

1.  I must remain in God’s Word…that’s the exclamation point in my life from last year.  The Word transformed my thoughts, my emotions, my responses and therefore, my life.  I MUST remain on this path…and so should you!

2.  This is a year to rejoice!  My husband and I will hit a milestone in our marriage this year…20 years together!  This is only possible through the grace and guidance of God.  He’s held us together through some very hard times and continues to love us and give us love for one another.  I’m so thankful to God that my selfish, melancholy self has realized what a gift I was given on March 21st, 1992.

Well, that’s what I know…probably not the most “transformational” post you’ve read or is it?  Could it be that all we need to do in this life is to know and obey the Word of God and be thankful for His work in us and all His creation?  Think about it.

Merry Christmas, Mom

I miss her smile

I miss her hands

I miss her work

I miss her prayers

I miss her worship

I miss her cooking

I miss her answers

I miss her presence

I miss her…

This Day

Crisp, cool breeze,

leaves from the trees

are spiraling and swirling,

spinning to the ground

In hues of orange, yellow and red.

 

A wreath upon my door,

made by caring hands.

Vines, leaves and berries

from the ever-changing woods.

A symbol of this time of year,

to be thankful for all that God has given.

 

And I am,

thankful for the blessings,

mistakes and even disappointments.

All have brought me to this place,

this day, to be this person.

 

Thank you, Father for Your endless love.

Thank you, Son for Your selfless salvation.

Thank you, Spirit for Your ever-present help.

 

“Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;  his love endures forever.”  Psalm 118:1
“This is the day that the LORD has made.  We will rejoice and be glad in it!”  Psalm 118:24

The V-neck’s cut too Deep!

After a looooooonnnnnnnnggggg hiatus, I led worship for a women’s event this past weekend.  The theme of the weekend was Fashion Meets Faith.  The speaker was Shari Braendel and she was outstanding!  She is an image consultant who has been called by God to teach Christian women about modesty and fashion.  It was a great weekend, especially for this Fashion Merchandising major!!!

When I was contacted by the women’s ministry from FBC Martin about leading the worship, my first question was “What is  the theme?”  I like to support the theme of the event with the songs that we sing.  When Anna told me, “The theme is modesty,” I was a bit puzzled.  There are NO songs about modesty!  So, I decided to choose songs that talked about the beauty of Christ.

While I was working on the PowerPoint slides for the event, the idea hit me to write a parody.  I love parodies and often log onto YouTube and enjoy the songs of Tim Hawkins and Anita Renfroe.  So, I began to try my hand at this style of songwriting.  After thirty minutes, I had something that I thought everyone at the event could appreciate.  The following song is sung to the tune of “Rolling in the Deep.”  Enjoy!

The V-neck’s cut too Deep!

There’s an outfit hanging in my room.
Hoping to wear it out around town real soon.
Finally I hope to get passed by bedroom door,
Tip toe down the hall, I’ll be home free for sure.

The calls from my mom, remind me that I’m done,
And they keep me thinking that I’ve almost pulled it off.

The calls from my mom, remind me that I’m done,
I can hear her screaming…

You’d better take it off!
The v-neck’s cut too deep!
I hold your life inside my hands.
So don’t play me, just obey me!

I can’t believe you tried!
Not thinking I would see!
Now I hold your keys inside my hands,
So you’re staying, home baby!

Tears are gonna fall
The v-neck’s cut too deep
You’re gonna wish you’d never met me
‘Cause you’re staying home little lady!

Wow! What a ride…

This past month has been a whirlwind!  I have begun taking online classes through Trevecca Nazarene University in Nashville to obtain a Certificate in Worship Arts.  I have started a new job…I sit with a precious lady who lives close by and it’s a job that was sent by God.  I continue to lead the women’s Bible study at church which has been a huge blessing to my life.  This past week, I received a call to lead worship for a women’s ministry event at a church in West Tennessee at the end of the month. While I’ve been so busy that I am having to put all that I’m doing in my phone so that I don’t forget, I have felt more alive and vital than I have in a long time!

Why?  Because I have finally given God all of me.  I have given Him my plans, dreams, talents and will.  I have asked that He change me and He is doing just that…through His Word!  A year ago, I was depressed, angry and ready to give up.  Now, I am hopeful, joyful and ready to try whatever God has for me.  He is stretching me and I’ve been scared at times, but I’ve followed His lead.  The difference from last year to this year is the daily/weekly reading and studying of God’s Word.  It’s been, at times, hard to continue.  But praise God, He’s not let me quit and I am now seeing the benefits of letting Him speak to me everyday.

On the 18th of September, our church experienced a Word from God through a visiting pastor from East TN.  He spoke to us about prayer and it is also changing me.  Prayer is the complement to the reading of God’s Word.  It is our response to what He has said to us.  Now, these acts of worship are not new to me at all.  I’ve been encouraged to practice them all my life.  I have always prayed, but not consistently.  I have read the Bible, but not the way I have this year.

I’ve been thinking about what has caused this change in me.  Here’s what I know…I was at the end of myself.  I didn’t know what else to do to be happy, to feel better or to feel valued.  I had to submit to God and ask for His healing.  Slowly but surely, He is healing me.  My kids have noticed the difference.  My husband has definitely noticed a change in me.  And I have finally realized that I’m not the same person that I have been over the past few years.  Do I still have times of anger?  Yes.  Do I still have days that I would just rather crawl into bed and sleep the day away?  Yep.  Do I still sometimes feel that I have nothing to give anyone that is of worth?  Oh yeah.  But the difference is that when I feel this way, I go to the Word of God and read the truth and I pray for God’s guidance and direction in my life.  Feelings come and go, but the Word of God endures forever!  Wow!!!  What a ride!!!

Under the Mighty Hand of God

In my life this week, God is teaching me about humility.  God is always at work and is always revealing things about Himself.  Many times, God’s revelations are new and exciting – a fresh way to look at a known truth.  Sometimes He uses His power to the point of taking my breath as I realize who He is and what He can do.  But this week, the lessons and examples are those of quiet trust and willing selflessness.

I’ve watched my son live out the choice to quietly work hard and give his all in the sport he loves.  He’s faithful to be at every practice, learn every play and encourage every player.  All the while, not being able to play at the game on the weekend.  His willingness to admit that there are other players who are faster, stronger and more prepared to play ahead of him and at the same time, willing to be a part of the team as an encourager and leader shows a heart of humility.  Praying for him is an honor and I’ve watched God honor him this week with his first varsity start this coming Friday.

This week has also brought about a renewed sense of humility within me.  Many times this week as I have read God’s word, prepared a lesson for women’s Bible study at church and worked on my class assignments, I have been brought to tears to think that God would call me to deliver his message to others.  I know me.  I know that I am in no way a worthy servant for such an honor.  I know that I will fail at times.  I know that there are others that would accept this task that are far more gifted than I.  But I also know that God has indeed called me.  I am beginning to realize that it may even be to a work that is much, much, much more than I could ever ask for or dare to imagine.  As I have thought about the ways He might choose to use me, I am reminded that I must serve with a humble spirit, a teachable mind and a loving heart.  To God be the glory!

“Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.”   1 Peter 5:6-7

Heaven from Betsy

My husband and I are a team.  We have the same views on most subjects in life.  You know, the important things:  we like the same football team, we eat the same foods, we like the same bands and we feel the same way about pets…NO PETS IN THE HOUSE!  We had always been staunch in this belief until our little girl looked at us and said, “Can I have a cat?”  You know that it’s always hard to say no to your children.  But I tell ya, it’s very hard to say no to a blond, curly-headed, big blue-eyed cutie that is the caboose of the family.  So we did what any parent in their right mind would do…we got a cat.

Betsy Lynn Optimus (yes, that part of the name is from our boys) Freeman came to live with us in May of this year.  She was Chloe’s 7th birthday present.  We rescued her from the animal shelter and I have to admit, we’ve enjoyed this new addition to our household.  I grew up with cats and dogs but never had a true house cat that totally depends upon her family.  We have to feed her, supply a place for her to answer the call of nature, clean up after the call is answered and care for her when she’s ill.  Without us, Betsy would be in great need.

Cats in general are moody, finicky, aloof, sassy and think they are in complete control.  Betsy is no different and is also very determined.  She has decided that our kitchen table is HER table upon which she can bask in the sun.  Trying to explain to Betsy the she is not allowed on the table has been quite the challenge.  She doesn’t seem to speak english or irate human!  She does, however, speak BROOM!  You would think after being “spoken” to many times during the day, she would take the hint and stay off the cotton-pickin’ table!  But no, she consistently tries to make that her home.

While noticing her persistence, I started to think about what spiritual lessons I could learn from dealing with a very, hard-headed cat.  Her actions remind me of the story of the persistent widow in Luke 18: 1-8  “For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, ‘Even though I don’t fear God or care about men, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won’t eventually wear me out with her coming!’ ”  And the Lord said, “Listen to what the unjust judge says.  And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off?  I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?”

Jesus made the point that if an unjust judge will give in to the persistence of one woman; surely a righteous, loving and merciful God will hear the prayers of His people and answer!  The story of this woman and the real life illustration of my cat have revealed a chink in my spiritual armor.  I give up too easily!  Yes, I pray and ask God for His will to be done; for wrongs to be made right; for His kingdom to come but when I don’t see an immediate answer, I stop asking.  When the answer is, “not now”, I don’t ask again.  I’m just not willing to keep on praying until God’s heart is moved to show His Glory!  However, in this passage, we’re told that our prayers are powerful and will move God to act on our behalf.

I want to desire God the same way Betsy desires that spot on the table.  I know I am just as dependant on Him as Betsy is on me and I want to be willing to go through whatever it takes to enter into God’s presence and bask in Him. Hopefully, as I study God’s Word and live with this quirky cat, the lesson will go from my head to my heart and persistent prayer in all things will be my life’s theme.  Thanks Betsy Wetsy!