Up From My Soul it Arose!

Wow…have you ever had an emotional explosion that you didn’t even know was lurking in your soul? 

Well, I have.  It was quite unexpected and yet, very much needed.  It all started in the chiropractor’s office of all places.  I’ve been experiencing muscle pain in my shoulder for quite a while now.  For a year, my poor doctor has been adjusting, massaging and re-adjusting my shoulder to help me find relief.  Yet, everytime it’s my turn at his office, my shoulder is like a rock!  I’m talking, the Rock of Gibralter!  And every visit, my doctor would say to me “what have you done?”  I guess I was tired of the question and so on my last visit, I answered…

“Do you really want to know?  I am afraid I am going to die young of cancer like my mom.  I’m mad that everyone else in my family seems uneffected by her death, but I am not over this!  I want someone to cry with me and feel my hurt.  I want her back!  I feel cheated!  I feel useless, unappreciated, helpless and lonely.  I guess that would be the source of my problem.  What do you think?”

Bless his heart, he’s such a gentle soul and a very caring doctor.  He gave me a very sweet and caring smile and said, “that makes perfect sense.  I’m sure that is the problem.”  He assured me that what I was feeling was normal and expected.  However, he also reminded me that I had the answers to deal with how I was feeling.  He didn’t  preach to me, but encouraged me to turn to my Savior and ask Him for the daily renewal of my mind and heart to get through this time.

And so, that’s what I’ve been doing.  Daily, I have been asking God to do a work in me that I can’t do on my own.  I am weak, fearful and worry filled.  But, HE is strong, powerful and able.  For a long time I’ve forgotten that it’s His desire to be for me what I can’t be for myself.  He longs to comfort me in my brokeness and heal my hurt.  Why did I forget?  Why has it taken years to realize what I needed to do?  I don’t have an answer for that other than I’m human.  Like many before me, grief takes hold and squeezes with all it’s might.  The only way to loosen it’s grip is to turn to the author of life, Jesus.  Will He bring my mother back from the dead?  No, but he can bring me back from the brink of hopelessness, loneliness and fear.  Are you like me?  Living in a place that seems unbearable and unescapable?  Do what I did, turn to the one that can rescue us from those places.  Come to Jesus.